This is an invitation to women everywhere
to share what they wanted to be
when they grew up, what became of
that aspiration, and what the secret dream
is now that tugs at heart and soul.

Click here to take survey

11 March 2012

Don't Let Self-Sabotage Stop Your Dream

What happened to that big dream that once was so exciting?  Having a hard time making it a reality because of self-sabotage?

If you’re like most of us with a big dream that is still in the wishing stage, you might have gotten derailed by life or sucked back into old habits of inaction and excuses. And maybe your excuses – that seem so sensible at first --  work against you by keeping you stuck.

When this happens not only is it frustrating, but you can begin to feel like you life doesn't even reflect who you truly are, deep down inside. 

Self sabotage is rooted in fear.  When we have a lost dream that has been so long neglected, there’s often at least one of two twin fears at play. One is fear of failure. The other is fear of success.

Might you be a little scared of your own abilities?  Are you afraid to really push past your comfort zone?  What are you telling yourself is the worst that would happen?

What if you began taking action to fulfill yourself, to start manifesting the old big dream?

Just in asking yourself that question, you can interfere with deep-rooted, self sabotaging feelings of powerlessness.  Taking a good look at what can logically be expected to happen can interrupt the negative self-talk about disappointing or living down to others' assumptions about you.

The fact that you're reading this blog shows that your old secret dream is still alive in you. And it’s trying to pull you forward.  It wants to be revived.  It’s telling you to harness this felt desire and make it stronger than the fears and negative self talk.

Here are several things you can try:

If I knew I could not fail, what would I do right now?

Ask yourself that question.  Then pretend that you are confident, unstoppable, and already manifesting your dream.  Acting “as if” the dream is already a reality is a powerful motivator towards positive action. When you're feeling reluctant to move forward or stuck in your old habits, imagine you are living the life  you want to have.

Or, choose a role model--a favorite actor, television character or other person you admire--and act the way you think that person would act.  Playing a role is actually a great way to empower yourself to become the new, strong, determined, high-achieving version of you.  It might seem silly at first, they can really help you unlock your creativity and get yourself unstuck.

Make a dream manifesting vision boards

Vision boards are excellent tools for helping you get to where you want to go because they provide visual reminders of your hopes and desired outcomes. Find pictures that represent your goals and print them out or cut them out of magazines. Or create a collage in a computer program, such as  or use an app like for the iPod.

Hang your vision board where you will see it often throughout the day. Or visit that app or online site frequently so that whenever you see the pictures, you are reminded to imagine how you will feel when you achieve your goal. 

 Talk back to those self sabotaging fears

Whether your anxiety comes from fear of failure or fear of success, you can get yourself unstuck by talking back to the feeling.  

Write down the reasons you're feeling anxious. Make them as exaggerated and fearful as you possibly can. Don't just write, "I'm afraid I won't be able to make money with art." Write, "I'm afraid I will make absolutely no money and I'll devote so much time to trying that I have no time for anything else and end up with no way to pay my bills."  Then ask yourself if the fear is realistic and resolve to dismiss it if it's not.

It can also help to write a positive affirmation to counteract the fear, such as "I know how much personal power I have. I believe in my abilities and I act on them from this moment forward."

It's not easy to stop self sabotage.  It will take some focused effort on your part.  However, if you approach your resistance to success creatively, you can find lots of ways to get yourself unstuck.

People who have indeed reinvigorated and turned dreams into reality teach us to be compassionate towards ourselves as we move closer to success. Use your own creativity to dissolve your blocks towards taking positive action.  Keep moving forward – even an inch a day gets you somewhere eventually.  You can be living that dream before you know it, leaving your fear behind in the dust.

This article written with substantial contribution from S.J. Asher-Ori 

01 March 2012

The Inner Child is the SoulLife Dreamer

May I suggest while you read this post,
listen to the hauntingly beautiful piano composition
Dreams of the Forgotten Child by David Lanz

Looking back into your childhood to remember the hopes and visions that once excited you can be a melancholy endeavor.  With memories of what used to seem so desired can come a sadness, and a wondering.

Children are full of hope. To a child, all things are possible, even simple.  The uncynical, uncomplicated, unfearful visions of a child begin as statements of the inborn soul's identity -- I'm going to be a fireman, a ballerina, a wizzard.

There is no doubt, no lack of self esteem or confidence.  Just enthusiastic conviction. And we move forward with our lives, as if this trusting declaration of what we are to be is all that is necessary to make it so.

Then we grow up, and put away "childish things."  But it's not just the idealistic hopes that become forgotten.  It's the dreamer within you, the  trusting innocent, the believer in possibility that gets a little lost as well.

Some of us who are lucky are able to hold on to this spark of soul's identity.  Our secret (sacred?)  dream fuels a special flame of hope that keeps us going through all the adult responsibilities, bleak economies, relationship squabbles, and soul-crushing jobs.

Psychologists tell us that the inner child is always within us.  It's an important part of the psyche.  It may need healing, or empowerment, or just the opportunity to express itself.

As a former therapist myself I know that getting in touch with your inner child, your SoulLife Dreamer, doesn't necessarily require therapy or counseling.

It does require a focused intent to give yourself enough quiet alone time to let that inner child be heard.  You can do that through meditation, or a walk in a park, or an afternoon at the beach.

Shhhh....listen.  What is your SoulLife Dreamer trying to tell you today?